Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
