I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
