I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
