remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
