he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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