afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
