So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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