ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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