would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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