watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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