i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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