Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
