Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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