I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm bleeding and have questions
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
