My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
