Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
