cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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