I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
