My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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