Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
