She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
