Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
