she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
