Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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