Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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