last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
