dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
