he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
