I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Randomize
