Jerry, you need to find god
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
