he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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