the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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