One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
