i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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