your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
