Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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