Non-Jews are for practice
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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