this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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