Four minutes until I can fart!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
