I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
