Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
