Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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