***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
