she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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