Sorry, I don't speak sober.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
