i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
