just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
