Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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