I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
