I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
