Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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