Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
