You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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