you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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