you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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