I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
